© Ella Ling

Federer - Olympics

PseudoFed: Top 10 greatest moments in history

   

I will write this in the order of backwards so you have to wait to see the number one.

10. Being Born: I remember this moment with so much clarity. Some people have to work hard to achieve the level of GOAT, some, like Me are just born. Please don’t make the mistakes, this isn’t about Me. No. The moment I came into this world is so memorable as everybody was so pleased to see Me.

9. Turning on the Light: It is not only Janko Tipsarevic that likes to read the big books. Me too. I like to never stand still so I keep my feet moving. I am currently studying what it is like to be the Buddha and recently reached the level of enlightening. It was very recent whilst in London during the Olympic games. I remember it so well. It was the third set against Andrew Murray and I was 5-4 down, match point. In this moment I realised everybody is already calling Me the GOAT because it is what I am. I, therefore realised I don’t need a Gold medal, why make the sweating?

8. When Madrid decided to have Blue Clay: Actually I will make the sneaky and add another Top 10 in this number. The other was when the ATP decided to change it back to orange clay for next year allowing Me to achieve H1STORY being the only player to conquer all surfaces.

7. Meeting the Queen: This was a very special moment. She works hard and does not have time off. It is a little unfair as I believe she is not allowed to retire. (Tommy Haas will be pleased otherwise he’ll think she is faking the injuries). So when I was asked if the Queen could meet Me I made a little jump in the joy. After all her tireless work at least she had a moment of happiness seeing Me. I thought she was quite polite.

6. The New Dallas: When I heard TNT were bringing back the big show I was so happy. This was probably the only show I could relate to watching the re-runs. I see Myself as the Tennis Tycoons.

5. Buying FedForce One: This made Me so happy. This is not about the pretentious moments where I say, “Hello Little Guys, look at Me”. No, I use it very much as a tool for work. In the same way everybody else has chauffeured limousines to take them to the office.

 4. Shouting Shut Up for the first time: I realised I could say it as many times as I like to fans and other players’ families and still retain My Ambassador position. Shut up.

3. Meeting Mr. Wimbledon for the first time: I knew this was a special moment for My career. His handshake felt a little strange, somehow different. He gave me the little winks we have been very good friends since.

2. Meeting Bjorn Borg: He does great undergarments.

1. Discovering the Oreos: It is like a little sandwich and everybody has a special way of eating them. Some like to make the nibbles along the outside, others like to open them and eat the middle first. I like to play this game too. Mine is I sit and watch staff open the cookies for Me and prepare them the way I like so I don’t afterwards have to wash My hands. It’s a very long walk to the bathroom.

   
  • Maggie

    Oh My!!! VERY VERY FUNNY!! The OREOS had me laughing out loud!!

  • Athena

    Numbers 9 and 7 particularly laugh-inducing. Another victory to add to your record, PseudoFed!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_BTDTENHMO76NVTGKOAYUX4YLGQ Megan

    Good stuff.

  • Helen

    Only the brain-dead would find this garbage funny. It is bitter, malicious and pitiful.

    • haili

      You sound like a tired, rigid and grumpy old lady.